burning bridges

December 13, 2014

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I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth Thee. Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes” (Job 42:5, 6).

 

It takes a good many years of sin and failure in order to see through our own motives. The growing believer finally learns to trust but one source of motivation: “the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:2).

 

I mentioned how I believed I was led of the Lord to go home and be contrite and not necessarily make amends or try to rebuild, but acknowledge that bridges had been burned.

 

My mother wouldn’t see me, I sat at the neighbors for two hours, they went as ambassadors of good will and were told to tell me to ‘hit the road, how dare I show my face.” I wasn’t really surprised, and if you knew what I was like as a son you wouldn’t be all that surprised.  I have sent letters to my mom asking her to forgive me and they are always sent back unopened or shredded and mailed back. If I phone she would hang up, when she got caller I.D. she wouldn’t answer.

 

The hardest part was I couldn’t find my dad, and I couldn’t find anyone to help.

 

I felt like a stranger in a strange land. I’ve been out of touch for so long that I’ve lost any and all contacts. I have zero knowledge of family history and wasn’t sure how to contact anyone. Emails have been unanswered and phone numbers are disconnected. I thought I would be “led by the Lord” and all would turn out peachy keno.

 

To say that I felt miserable would be an understatement. So I get points for being obedient, humbled, alone and pretty sad. Physically exhausted and mentally bummed. I’m spending next few days fasting and praying and trying to “cleanse” myself of the feelings and thoughts I experienced.

 

All of our motives will be tested by fire. Are we seeking personal influence, popularity, reputation, prestige, acceptableness, success? We may think our motives to be perfectly pure; but we will find all we do tested, the dross burned away. I left feeling confident, on a mission, and return with the feeling it is all over, there is no extended family to reach out to.

 

I give you one bit of advice, I waited over 40 years to reach out, don’t make the same mistake, or if you burn your bridges don’t ever do a U-turn.

 

Dark hours do help show what is inside, it is a hard lesson to re-learn what is still inside. Before there can be the fire of God there must be an altar and a sacrifice; and it must be a burnt offering.

 

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

2 Responses to “burning bridges”

  1. Mimi said

    I take that bit of advice, who are my sister and brother? … don’t look back. For various reasons that journey resonates with me, thank you for sharing.

  2. Your are welcome, a lot of clichés about journey’s, but we are all one, whether we like where it goes or not, it is what makes each one of us unique, God Bless

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