Help

March 4, 2015

churtch

Well our number one response to yesterday’s devotion wasn’t about the issue of submissiveness, it was the dozens of responses about trust and the fact that adultery had already been committed. It’s impossible to do marriage counseling in this devotional setting, but let me lay out something’s that may help.

God’s Word makes it clear that marriage is a commitment for life to that one individual chosen to be one’s mate.  This commitment means that “we forsake all others.”

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Matthew 19:5, NIV)

Sexual unfaithfulness, however, on the part of both husbands and wives, has become epidemic, according to polls and reports on sexual practices.  Adultery is both forbidden and condemned by God in His Word, which states clearly that His wrath will fall upon those who practice it.

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrew 13:4, NIV)

“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers. . .will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9,10 NIV)

“Flee from sexual immorality.  All other sins a man (woman) commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually, sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18, NIV)

Consider some of the consequences:

  • Emotional: guilt, fear, anxiety, loss of self-esteem, shattered personalities, depression, etc.

  • Physical: illegitimate pregnancies and births, venereal disease, and abortions.

  • Spiritual: loss in this life and in that which is to come.

Adultery is sin, but it is also a symptom that all is not well in a marriage.  There are many reasons for adultery. Some are:

  • Our own sinful, selfish desires

“But every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.” (James 1:14, KJVK)

  • Lack of maturity.

50% of teen-age marriages come apart in the first five years; however, age is not the only criterion. Immature selfishness at any age can lead to unfaithfulness. Another sign of immaturity is a lack of willingness to accept the responsibility of a family.

  • Demanding, critical, scolding, nagging husbands or wives.

  • Lack of sexual satisfaction on the part of either mate.

  • Transferring to one’s mate hostility felt towards a mother or father.

  • Meddlesome in-laws who smother a husband and wife with criticism or well-intentioned advice.

  • Lack of adequate sex education or a vast difference in the sexual experiences of each partner. Or, hey let’s try something new, and the marriage bed is defiled. God does live in your bedroom as well as the rest of the house.

You should expect no easy solutions in dealing with the problem of adultery.  However, God can work the miracles and if you honor your marriage commitment then God can honor your efforts and bless the work you put into restoring a marriage.

 

 

An honest effort to communicate is the only way that things can be brought to light and the climate provided which will lead to solutions.  To begin with, the unfaithful partner must demonstrate remorse and ask for forgiveness. And they must realize that trust will have to be earned by them returning and demonstrating they can be trustworthy. This can be a bitter pill for the guilty party to swallow. To many times I’ve heard the guilty party shout; “if you really forgave me you’d trust me.” That’s a really naïve and selfish response and quite unrealistic. Poof, by magic let’s pretend nothing really happened. That only happens in cheesy movies and fairy tales (and political careers).

Ok this part is going to sting;

For the Partner of the Adulterer:

He or she often feels betrayed, rejected and hurt. Although only one person may be guilty of unfaithfulness, often both partners in a marriage contribute to it.

  1. Encourage the person to ask himself or herself:

  2. How may I have contributed to my mate’s infidelity?

Am I critical?

Supportive?

  1. What circumstances have been present in our marriage which might have contributed to the problem?

Parents?

Ignorance?

Work schedules, or absences from home?

  1. How may I help to provide a solution to save our relationship?

Be honest, as the person that did not commit adultery was there warning signs you chose to ignore?

Did you receive bad counsel from someone?

Did anyone give you non-scriptural advice?

You must genuinely attempt the following, no matter how difficult.

  1. Forgiveness. Things can never be worked out unless there is forgiveness. This may be very difficult, but a way can be found. Those involved must ask for God’s grace and wisdom to face it. Your love and concern will be most evident at this point. The guilty spouse must also seek God’s forgiveness and the spouse’s forgiveness.

  2. Communication. The couple must make a determined effort to communicate with each other in order to discuss freely all facets of the issue. Lack of communication may have been a contributing factor to the problem. Now is the time to correct this.

  1. Prayer. The couple should pray together and trust God to work things out so that the marriage may be saved and grow stronger.

  1. Counseling. You should be willing to consider serious professional counseling with a qualified pastor or a Christian psychologist or psychiatrist. It may take time to work things out.

  1. Somewhere in all of this you have to lose the anger, emotional firestorms will not allow a marriage to heal.

Well as I said in the beginning I really can’t do much counseling in a devotion. But thousands of couple have survived the pain of adultery and you can to. One thing I strongly recommend is NEVER DO A TRIAL SEPARATION, it’s not biblical and it almost always leads to disaster.

God bless those who have been hurt in area of their lives. Our prayers are with you.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

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