spank me daddy

June 8, 2015

the bible

                                                                CHILD ABUSE

Having been a victim of child abuse and then being a pastor and a psychologist I feel that I can adequately address this issue. However with that in mind if you have been abused God can bring healing into your life. If you are the abuser realize also that he is able to help you stop this behavior and bring forgiveness into your life, forgiveness by God, not necessarily from the one you abused. Having also been a prison chaplain I can tell you that if boundaries were not set early in a child’s life there will be problems later.

 

I want to make a statement that many readers might find hard to understand or agree with especially in today’s society. But the beginning of wisdom is fear of the Lord, and children need to respect their parents and realize that they will be disciplined for wrong behavior, children do bad things and are not themselves usually bad in and of themselves, although there are always exceptions.

 

This is why it is so important to have an intact family, mother and father, the one to nurture and the one to be the “law”. The old phrase; “wait till your father gets home” should still be practiced. The modern defiant child is a byproduct of poor parenting, lack of rules, boundaries and actual punishment for defiant behavior. We are their parents not their best friends, you can’t be both.

 

Children will escalate in bad behavior just to test the boundaries, discipline for infractions actually help a child build boundaries and lets them know there are negative consequences for bad behavior.

Most of us love children, but sometimes those precious little ones get on our nerves and we lose patience. It happens to the best of us. But there are some adults who become abnormally angry and overreact, hurting the child emotionally and physically.

In order to deal with this problem, it is important that we understand the difference between child abuse and discipline. According to Black’s Law Dictionary, child abuse is “any form of cruelty to a child’s physical, moral, or mental well-being,” whereas, according to Dr. James Dobson in Dare to Discipline, (I know a very old book, but still a classic and worth reading by all parents) discipline is “a function of love” (pg. 29). He states that “children thrive best in an atmosphere of genuine love, undergirded by reasonable, consistent discipline” (page 13). So child abuse is cruel, while discipline is reasonable and loving.

BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE

Since children are a gift from the Lord (Ps. 127:3), a parent should be careful that he does not scold and nag so much that his child becomes angry, resentful, and discouraged. Instead, he should give him that kind of discipline which meets the approval of the Lord (Eph 6:4; Col. 3:21).

 

In many cases the child abuser was himself abused as a child. So now he abuses children for possibly two reasons: he learned this abnormal behavior in childhood, and now has no model to imitate but the adult who abused him; and he may be filled with such frustration and anger from childhood that he now takes it out on innocent children. That sounds ironic, but it is all too common.

Certainly the first thing we can do for this person is explain to him how he can know God’s forgiveness and make Jesus Christ his Savior and Lord, “When someone becomes a Christian he becomes a brand new person inside. He is not the same any more. A new life has begun!” (2 Cor. 5:17).

Here are three steps to help the child abuser overcome his problem:

  1. Recognize that child abuse is a sin (1 John 1:8,10), and that by simply confessing the sin to God, you can experience forgiveness and cleansing (1 John 1:9).

  2. Forgive those who have abused you – those who were cruel to you in childhood and those who are now making you frustrated and angry (Matt. 6:14, 15).

  3. Be filled with the Holy Spirit and be controlled by him (Eph. 5:18; Gal. 5:22,23).

Remind the child abuser that what he has done is against the law. Show him what God says about breaking the laws of government (Rom. 13:1-3; 1 Pet. 2:13,14).

                                                                CHILD ABUSE

 

Child abuse is a great tragedy. Children of domestic violence are found in all socio-economic, educational, racial and age groups. Violence patterns often run in families; the battered become the batterer! Abuse falls into three categories: verbal, physical and sexual. Any one of these can be so devastating in the life of a child that he may never recover from the damage.

Verbal abuse can be degrading, debasing the child. He may feel that any physical abuse that follows is deserved. The screaming parent, who often accompanies his tirades by swearing and foul language and his constant put downs “You can’t do anything right,” “Stop acting like a child,” “You should be more like so-and-so, ” etc., will strip his child of all self-esteem, give him problems with identity, and may depress him to the point of becoming an emotional cripple.

Add physical punishment to this, and the child will be further denied that proper emotional development which results in a normal, responsible adult. It is easy for the abused child to slip into drugs, alcohol or deviate sexual behavior.

Such children often are depressed, do poorly in school, misbehave and are delinquent. They are frequently deceptive and lie, steal, cheat and violate the rights of others. Assuming violence to be a normal behavioral response, he reverts to it in order to solve problems in school, with peers and his family. He will often be suicidal and entertain thoughts of murdering his parents. A great percentage of our prison population is a product of family violence.

Proper emotional responses in such children are almost impossible, but a tender, loving attitude may at least begin to open a door to solutions.

Scripture

“Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them.”

                                                                                                                          Matthew 19:14, NIV

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

                                                                                                                          Matthew 11:28, NIV

“Let him have all your worries and cares, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.”                                                                                                          1 Peter 5:7, TLB

                                                           CHILD DISCIPLINE

 

Children may be disobedient and rebellious toward parents, guardians, or other authority figures.

When a child is brought up according to scriptural principles, he will most likely continue to follow those principles later in life. Parents (or guardians) are responsible for the training and proper discipline of their children until such time as the children are no longer dependent upon them.

Speak to the children on their own level of understanding. Make it clear to them what you expect of them. Do not punish them in anger. Set the example you want them to follow, remembering that what you do will be more effective than what you way. When you establish guidelines for children, stick to them. Take them with you to church and let them see you worship God and pray, then ask the Lord to show you what to do with them. Determine if there is a situation in the home that is directly contributing to the behavior problem of the children.

Father and mother, if both are in the family, must present a unified front:

No parental disagreement in front of children.

Don’t be wishy-washy. Be specific in all instructions and discipline.

Recognize that parental responsibility extends over public school education, clubs, groups and any other organization’s influences upon your children. (You are ultimately responsible for your child’s instruction and discipline.

While the child’s attitudes belong to God, the parents or guardians must be faithful to their

responsibility as outlined in the Bible. God will be faithful in changing the heart, but the parents must do their job.

Administer discipline according to the child’s age and transgression. The rules of discipline are these:

Establish clear guidelines so that your child knows what he is supposed to do and what he is not supposed to do.

Punish disobedience.

Discipline in love, not in anger.

Make sure the child knows what he has done wrong.

Demonstrate your love afterward.

Always express forgiveness afterward, then treat the child as if it never happened.

Follow through with discipline, making sure your commands are obeyed.

If you make a mistake, apologize and ask forgiveness.

Remember, nothing will substitute for spending time with a child.

Yes I did use the word punish, yes I do believe in spanking (done properly and reasonably)

Tough love is still viable, so is godly tenderness when a child repents.

And yes you can do everything right and still have rebellious, stubborn, heart breaking children.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: