the secret garden

March 25, 2016

light vs darkness

The secret Garden

I was watching a program the other day and the woman in the program said that all men have secrets. Well I think that everybody has secrets, question is are they healthy secrets or are they damaging secrets.


I’ve always said that the power of a secret is broken the minute it is shared. The same idea goes with guilt, the power of guilt will vanish if you confess what is making you guilty. I had a person coming to me for counseling that was being blackmailed over some sexual indiscretions, he had a top secret clearance as a scientist with a very powerful firm. When they were getting ready to renew his top-secret security clearance he confessed to me that he could lose his job as retirement and his reputation it was discovered what he had been doing.

So my first suggestion to him was that he tell his wife even though she might divorce him if he wanted to break the power of this secret and not be blackmailed and suffer the consequences he would need to tell his wife and some significant other people in his life.


I thought that he would do it as each individual instead he decided to rent a room and have a small dinner at a local restaurant. The room was quite secluded and soundproof and everybody thought he was going to announce his early retirement instead he had me stand up and come over and he put his arm around my shoulder and he said “this is my pastor and my counselor and I want him standing here beside me as I tell you about my secret sin.” One of the persons in that room was the person that had threatened to blackmail him and since I knew who that person was I watched their face as he began to tell a tale of depravity and addiction to sex and things that I will not repeat.


The outcome was surprising his wife forgave him, the other people although shocked came up and encouraged him and the blackmailer fled.


Two weeks later the Secret Service and the FBI showed up at my office and wanted to know if this person was in danger of being blackmailed because of his top-secret security work, was there any threats that could be induced against him. I told the agents about the dinner and what had happened and told them that since there were no secrets there was no power that could be held over him and therefore even though he had some inappropriate behavior and was battling against it no one could use it for blackmail. Surprising he kept his job and his top secret security clearance actually got boosted higher to another level because they realized that there were no tools in which someone could blackmail him.


I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten a phone call from a newly widowed woman and she is in shock as she has gone through her husband’s toolshed or workbench or some room that was his like a Den or a hobby room only to find pornography, drugs, something that made her realize her husband had a secret life that he had kept from her and how it had tarnished her memories of her husband.


So here’s my challenge to all you men that may be reading this with no warning or time for preparation ask your wife to go through your desk or your toolbox or your truck or your toolshed, your briefcase or give her the password for your computer. How many of you could do that right now and suffer no consequences?

Hopefully more of you would pass that test than fail; I’ve actually gone to people’s houses and from being a pastor and a psychologist and a good reader of human nature and been led by the Lord to know that there was some problem and I’ve actually stated to the couple that they search each other’s drawers of their dresser. You should see the shock and dismay, the surprise and sometimes the anger which is always a telltale clue of something being held in secret.


What always amazes me is that people think they can hide things from God that is the most foolish act a person can do; so my question to you is how big a fool are you that you think you have a secret.

Do you fear death and judgment? God promises eternal life to those who put their trust in His Son. Do you struggle with guilt? God promises forgiveness of all our sins in Christ. Are you anxious about some situation? He invites us to cast all our anxieties on Him because He cares for us. Are you fearful? He promises His protection. You can count on these promises and more and have great peace and joy, knowing that what God promises, He does!


God bless from


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