FAKE IT

May 26, 2016

son-of-the-mask

Fake it;

 

Except for my annual Christmas story, I don’t share very much about myself on these devotions, today will be an exception. I had a client today tell me how much they look forward to my visits, that I’m always funny, have great stories and always leave them with a great prayer.

 

I’m faking it; the last two weeks I’ve been in the worse mood ever, and it’s all catching up with me, the constant chronic pain, the heavy medication, S.A.D. plus ptsd, plus tbi, the 60% loss of feeling in my left leg due to an injury in the military, now I’m losing feeling in my right hand, and I’m just in a plain old grumpy, kind of mean mood.

 

Which drives my wife nuts and she is not one for sympathy. Suck it up you weenie is more apt to be her advice than anything else.

 

So I try to fake it, I play my favorite songs, listen to my favorite bands, mess around at my hobbies, cut back on the meds. I’m to the point where a mood swing would be a blessing.

 

So I count my blessings, then I remember I lost my roof two weeks ago, thousands of dollars in damages to the cars and the sheds and the trees I have to cut down and then I think of those worse off in so many ways and I actually say to myself “screw them;” hardly the act of charity and grace.

 

What really interests me the most though is I never use these feelings as an excuse for acting out or self-indulgence (other than self-pity). I don’t feel hopeless, I’m not going to eat my gun, I’m just not real pleasant to be around. So even though I tell you I’m faking it, I’m not.

 

Probably the worst thing I do is not tell others I’m hurting, that’s the chronic problem with pastors, it’s why they burn out and get bitter and resentful. They fake it.

 

So screw everyone, blah blah, blah I’m not faking it, I’m telling you go suck an egg. . hmmmm, I might actually feel better, maybe telling someone how you feel really works, nah, I’m just being sarcastic. Seriously it’s not that bad, I just want you to realize don’t internalize the pain, tell someone you’re not happy, the best place to do that is at an AA meeting, (I went to two) even if you’re not an addict, seriously that will fix you, talk about no enabling.

 

God bless, seriously I mean that.

 

Comments, questions, prayer requests send to scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

 

And don’t worry it’s cliché but it’s true; “this to will pass.”

 

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