Husbands and Wives part four. Don’t worry about the titles, I mis-numbered where we are, so some will think this is part 3. (we are almost done, hang it there).

It’s interesting that while Titus 2:4 mentions a wife’s loving her husband in the context of submission, neither Ephesians nor 1 Peter (nor Colossians) mention a wife’s love. Instead Ephesians (5:33) and 1 Peter (3:2, 6) both mention respect in connection with submission. Respect is a crucial element of biblical submission.

But what often happens is that a couple starts marriage with high expectations. They’re in love and they think that love will conquer all their problems. But not too far into the marriage, the honeymoon wears off and there are disappointments as expectations are not met. Often this takes place unconsciously, since many of the expectations are not consciously identified. The husband, who may not be as relationally tuned in as his wife, deals with his marital disappointments by burying himself in his job.

The disappointed wife tries to remodel her husband by nagging him about his shortcomings and about not meeting her emotional needs. He’s clueless about how to meet her needs, but he’s pretty confident in his job, so he pours himself into work. When he makes feeble attempts to lead spiritually or relationally at home, she resists his efforts, because she doesn’t respect his relational skills or his spiritual leadership. The end result is emotional distance, relational hurts, and sometimes the disintegration of the marriage.

If, instead of that downward cycle, a wife will work at showing her husband respect, acceptance, and appreciation for anything she can possibly affirm, and she responds to his attempts at leadership, it will lead to greater unity and intimacy in the marriage. Wives, make note of this: Men react to nagging either by flight or by fight. A nice husband will run for cover; a more belligerent husband will fight back. But neither leads to greater marital intimacy. But 1 Peter 3:1-4 says that even a disobedient husband may be won by a wife’s gentle and quiet spirit.

Part of submitting to your husband involves looking for things that please him and doing them. But some of you may be thinking, “If I do that, how will my needs be met?” Or, “I’d meet more of his desires and needs if he weren’t so selfish and would meet more of my needs!” But marriage is not a 50-50 deal (even though that’s what every book and two bit counselor says). Each partner needs to give 100 percent in the way God has ordained and leave their partner’s response up to the Lord. When that happens, God often changes the partner and the needs of the one who stepped out first in obedience to God are met.

Many years ago a wife on the verge of divorce came to me, along with two of our deacons’ wives, who were counseling her to leave him (needless to say, we had several training sessions with deacons and their wives on giving biblical counseling). Her husband, who professed to be a Christian, left early each morning for a long commute to work and returned late in the evening, after stopping off to have a couple of beers at a bar. He would eat dinner, watch some TV, and hit the sack. Except for providing for them, he was completely disengaged from the family. She had to do it all and she was extremely frustrated and constantly let him know about it.

I explained 1 Peter 3 and advised that rather than criticizing and nagging her husband for his lack of involvement, she should thank him for his hard work and for anything else that she honestly could affirm. I told her to make her home a refuge for him so that there was nowhere else that he would rather be. She took my advice and stopped nagging him. Instead, she cheerfully greeted him when he got home, telling him how much she appreciated his hard work. She focused on meeting his needs. He started coming home earlier, eating dinner with the family, and even leading them in family devotions. When I left that church, with tears streaming down her cheeks she thanked me for holding to God’s Word that day. She said, “I wouldn’t have my family together today if you had compromised what God’s Word says.”

So the practice of submission involves an attitude of respect and a response to the husband’s leadership.

If there is one word about what destroys a marriage, it’s “selfishness”. And it is rampant in the church. I don’t get it, because the ‘servant’ mentality that teaches all we are to be should kill selfishness. I have to confess that I was shocked that our deacons’ wives would offer this kind of counseling. I had both the deacons’ step down for one year. To examine their leadership in the home and sent them out of the church to another biblical counselor to work on their marriages.

Counseling almost ender their marriages, because each wife was a ‘liberated’ Christian woman. There is no such thing. Yet, it is one of the biggest obstacles to a healthy, loving marriage. Husbands need respect, women need security. Husbands that don’t come home after work or golf all weekend, simply don’t want to be their wives. It’s vicious circle.

To all believers, lead a biblical life and you will find peace and harmony in all you do. Don’t compromise biblical principals and God will bless you in ways you can’t imagine. And best of all, when the storms of life hit you there will be no doubt about your relation to God. Give God the respect He deserves, and you will have peace of mind and joy.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

Pray for Susan and her 3 children. Her husband was killed today on the way to work. His pickup truck was hit so hard by another truck, that his truck split in two. The cab and the pickup bed were 45 feet apart. His body burst like a balloon. His dog left only a shadow on the dashboard. If they family didn’t say he traveled with his dog, no one would have even known. The driver that hit him is dead as well and we still don’t know what happened, heart attack, fell asleep, we don’t know.

Life is like a mist; one puff of air and we are gone.

Live every day for the Lord.

HUSBANDS AND WIVES

October 16, 2018

Well, this is really part three with some stuff in between. After the topic of tithing, this seems to be the next most volatile sermon I can preach. I’ve never got death threats from this topic, but I do get some interesting comments from husbands and especially the wives. The fact that it’s biblical doesn’t seem to matter to some folks, “I’m still messing with their marriage”.

Submission is valid for all times and cultures because it is fitting in the Lord.

In God’s original creation, the man and woman together were to reflect God’s image which, in part, involves the voluntary submission of the Son to the Father in order to carry out the divine plan of salvation. Though the Son is co-eternal and co-equal with the Father, Jesus submitted Himself to the cross so that Satan’s dominion would be broken. The husband and wife are to relate to one another as the Father and Son relate to each other. The wife, though equal with her husband, submits to him to reflect God’s image and His relation with Christ the Son and our relation to Christ our Savior.

Paul develops this theme in Ephesians 5 where he states that Christian marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so wives ought to be to their husbands (Eph. 5:24). Why? Because through Christ and the church, which Paul calls the new man, created in God’s image (Eph. 2:15; 4:24; Col. 3:10), God is recovering what was lost in the fall of the first creation. Christian marriage, as the unit of the church, is to reflect God’s image through the sacrificial love of the husband for his wife and the voluntary submission of the wife to her husband in a context of equality as they exercise dominion over God’s enemy.

One way that an enemy can defeat its foe is to instill discontent and insurrection among the ranks. If you can get the enlisted men complaining about their lot, fighting against the officers, and trying to grab authority, you’ve just about won the war. That’s why Satan first approached Eve, not Adam, and got her to usurp his authority. Today his strategy is the same: to promise greater happiness to wives if they will get out from under their husbands’ authority. Many Christian wives do not realize that we are engaged in combat against the unseen forces of darkness in heavenly places and that Christian marriage is to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. So they cast off the idea of authority in marriage—and play right into Satan’s hand!

So the principle of the headship of the husband and the submission of the wife is not cultural. In creation God’s order was to create the man first and then to create Eve as his helper. At the fall, the authority of the husband, which the wife had usurped, was specifically decreed (Gen. 3:16). Paul’s analogy of Christ and the church is the basis of his appeal for the proper order in marriage. Thus it is fitting in the Lord for the wife to submit herself to her husband to uphold God’s purpose for creating human beings, namely, to reflect His image and to crush Satan’s dominion. It’s not up for grabs if a culture believes differently.

Beyond the theological reasons, I believe there are other reasons to follow the biblically ordained roles for husbands and wives. God has made us as male and female with distinctive strengths, weaknesses, and needs. When each partner dies to his or her pursuit for self-fulfillment and lives in obedience to God to fulfill the needs of his or her mate, both partners are fulfilled. A godly, loving husband provides protection and support, both financially and emotionally, for his wife, which she lacks if she is independent of him.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

Pray for Richard C, 91 years old, he came to Jesus late in life. (60’s) because of a Gideon bible in his hotel room. Doesn’t go to church (never has) he feels that reading his bible 2 hours a day is more than enough. We finally got him enrolled in a online bible study and I’m hoping as he “chats” online he will feel the need for personal fellowship. Although at his age he’s pretty set in his ways.

Pray for Betty K, she will bury her husband of 56 years this Wednesday, no kids and a very small circle of friends. She also is sporadic in church attendance, I’m hoping we can help fill the void.

Pray for Kyle, a church worship leader that does coke, I don’t even know where to begin with this prayer request. His pastor won’t make him step down because Kyle is semi famous. So pray for the pastor, the church and Kyle.

the godly couple

October 15, 2018

Ok, I sort of got sidetracked from the discussion of submission, so here is part two.

What is submission?

  1. Submission is to put oneself under another’s authority.

The Greek word Paul (Colossians 3:18) uses here is a military term meaning to put oneself in rank under another. God has ordained the principle of authority and submission in a number of different spheres: Citizens are to be subject to civil authorities (Rom. 13:1; Titus 3:1); slaves to their masters (Col. 3:22; Titus 2:9); church members to their leaders (1 Cor. 16:16; Titus 2:15; Heb. 13:17); children to their parents (Col. 3:20); and wives to their husbands (Eph. 5:22, 24; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet. 3:1). Every time the New Testament speaks to the role of wives, the command is the same: “Be subject to your husband.”

We don’t like the idea of submission to authority. But before you react against this command, consider some mitigating factors. First, whenever God grants authority, it is always for the blessing and protection of those under authority and never for the advantage of the ones in authority. God loves people and in His wisdom He has ordained proper authority for the benefit of the human race. If those in government authority use their position to further their own interests at the expense of those under them, they are corrupt and will answer to God, who delegated authority to them. Likewise, any husband who uses his authority in the home to lord it over his family for his own advantage is liable before God for abusing his authority. To be in authority does not mean greater perks, but rather greater responsibility and accountability before God.

Second, it’s important to recognize that husbands are never commanded, “Exercise authority over your wife!” The headship of the husband is stated as a fact, but the commands to submit are always given to the wife. The husband is commanded to love his wife sacrificially. Almost always when couples come for marriage counseling, they are pointing the finger at each other. The wife complains that the husband is unloving and insensitive. He complains that she isn’t submissive and doesn’t meet his needs. But Paul tells husbands (Eph. 5:25), “Love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” He tells wives (Eph. 5:22), “Be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.” When husbands and wives each focus on their God-ordained responsibilities toward each other, there will be harmony, not abuse.

Third, to be in authority does not in any way imply the superiority of the husband or the inferiority of the wife. A wife may in fact be superior in intellect and spiritual maturity to her husband. Paul affirms elsewhere (Gal. 3:28) that she is just as much a member of Christ as her husband is. Peter calls the wife a “fellow-heir of the grace of life” (1 Pet. 3:7). She is in every way equal as a person to her husband. But God has ordained the principle of authority for the orderly functioning of government, the church, and the home. To resist it is to resist God who ordained it (Rom. 13:1-2).

To put oneself under the authority of another does not imply passivity. A submissive wife is not one who meekly goes along with her husband, while keeping her thoughts and feelings to herself. Close relationships are built on truthfulness and openness in a context of love. If a wife withholds her viewpoint or feelings under the guise of submissiveness, she is creating distance in her relationship with her husband.

Also, a submissive wife should properly confront her husband’s sin. When 1 Peter 3:1 says that a wife should win a disobedient husband “without a word” by her godly behavior, it is not prohibiting her from speaking. Peter means that the main emphasis of the wife’s way of changing her husband should be her behavior, not sermons. A disobedient husband will not be won over by a preaching, nagging wife. But that does not mean that in the context of living a godly life, a wife cannot lovingly speak to her husband about his disobedience and how it is damaging their relationship. If a wife does not speak the truth in love, she is not fulfilling her responsibility in the marriage.

True submission is communicated both by attitudes and actions. A wife can be strong and even outspoken and yet be submissive in spirit if she respects her husband and backs his leadership even when she disagrees. Or she can be outwardly submissive but inwardly defiant, using deception and manipulation to get her own way. God doesn’t want grudging compliance, where a wife says, “I’ll submit; but I know you’re wrong and I’ll never let you forget it when it doesn’t work out.” True submission means that after an open sharing of thinking and feelings, with prayer, if there is still a disagreement, a wife yields to her husband’s authority and seeks to help him in his responsibility to lead under God. In our over 44 years of marriage, My wife and I would be hard pressed to come up with a single instance where we haven’t come to mutual agreement.

When a marriage is one of equality in God, trusting the roles He has laid out for us. And the husband and wife respect and accept the gifts each spouse has, then there is more harmony in a marriage.

I usually give two words of advice to marriage couples; 1, be nice, friendly and loving to each other. 2; Speak only kind words to each other. Yelling and accusations, finger pointing and blaming never solves anything.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

Pray for Xonia, she will not accept that she has dementia and needs some help in her day to day life.

Pray for Karla, she’s been married 30 years and her older sister is getting a divorce and the older sister is trying to wreck Karla’s marriage to justify her own situation.

the reward

August 26, 2018

balance

Who deserves it, or does it even matter

I was talking to a seminary professor the other day and he told me that over the Christmas break he had taken a walking tour of Scotland to enjoy hiking and especially to visit some very old churches that have stood for hundreds of years.

At one of these churches it was Sunday and it was the last Sunday for this pastor who was retiring at 94 years of age and had spent 50 years as the pastor of this tiny church, hidden in rugged terrain that people had to walked to.

He said the pastor’s sermon was a homiletic master piece, it was deep, moving and a gem. He wondered how the Lord could keep such a master of preaching hidden like a rare gem from the world and how blessed this congregation was to have been guided by such a great shepherd.

He said that as he flew back to America a question began to form in his mind over who would be the most blessed, the pastor of a small struggling flock, that rarely had money, never knew fame, no books no tv shows, but a faithful pastor; or the mega pastor that touched millions and was there a difference in the eyes of God. Would the reward be different?

I asked him if had reached a conclusion and he said he had (with the foreknowledge that he was not God and this was just his humble opinion). He said that had; he believed that the faithful pastor to a small flock, faithful to the word and the work would receive a larger, better reward, because of the struggle and fight just to keep the doors open and no open earthly reward now.

Ok, it’s just one man’s opinion but I agree with him.

And the reason I’m bringing it up is I have a very good friend who is in that same exact position. 35 years at the same church, highly educated, gifted as a speaker, and faithful to the word and the craft of preaching good honest sermons with no baloney or filler at all.

And this month he will receive no salary because the church can’t afford to pay him for an entire month. He doesn’t know that I know this and what I want from all of you is to pray for him because I’ve never seen him so discouraged before.

So please keep this servant of God in prayer that like the children of God in the wilderness that he and his family will be divinely kept, that rust, and moth and corruption will not find root in any part of his life, that the car won’t break down, and no one will get sick and things will just work out; and if just one new face could show up on Sunday.

Because he has been faithful to God, and to the word.

This ain’t a chain letter so if you don’t pray nothing bad will happen to you (ha)

God bless and peace out.

Pray for Paul K, this faithful pastor. Storms have hit his family and the struggle he’s in right now if perhaps one of the toughest places he’s ever been in.

Pray for Paul C, this is the lost lamb, pray he wonders back into the fold, because this particular shepherd can’t find him.

Pray for David P, alcoholism, which he thought was a thing of the past has got him again.

Pray for Don L, close friend, pray for strength, guidance and the knowledge he is never forgotten.

SUPER POWERS

June 13, 2018

Enterprise_5_hr

  “Partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world” (2 Pet. 1:4).

  We are to find out in Romans 6, through the gracious teaching of the Spirit of truth, all that happened to the Lord Jesus there on the Cross. Then we will know our own position and standing, since we were judicially in Him there.

Have you ever thought about God’s thought about you, that you are ‘to be conformed to the image of His Son’? ‘It doth not yet appear what we shall be, but we know that, when He shall appear, we shall be like Him’ (Rom. 8:29; 1 John 3:2).

This cannot fail. The Lord Jesus presses on our hearts that He brings us into association with Himself. He ‘hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ Jesus’ (Eph. 1:3). He puts us in this position answering perfectly to His nature, and with a nature to enjoy it.

  “He imparts to us of Himself in order to qualify us for Himself.”

Not only is my blessing in heaven, but I need the Lord Jesus’ power to enable me to rise above the sense of my infirmity down here; for this world, instead of contributing to me, makes me feel my weakness and need, and that I must rise out of it to find and enjoy my blessing.

The very infirmity which this evil age makes me conscious of makes me draw upon the power of Christ, as the One outside it, passing into the heavens, so that I take pleasure in the very infirmity which is exposed here, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

  “God forbid that I should glory, except in the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Gal. 6:14).

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

Praise from Anne, 42 days sober

Pray for Rachel, severe ear infection

Pray for Jay P, having knee surgery on Thursday

Cam, pray for this young mom and her battle with cancer.

Pray for Christina and Todd, spiritually curious, pray the right people come into their lives

ADULT TOPIC, CAUTION, READ ONLY IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THE TOPIC.

THERE ARE NO PICTURES OR GRAPHIC DETAILS.

WARNING ADULT SUBJECT

Memorial day,

Every 98 seconds, an American is being sexually assaulted.

A government watchdog suggested that Congress might want to prohibit the Defense Department from spending money on Afghan military units whose members sexually abuse children or commit other human rights violations including the sexual abuse of our own American Soldiers. But the Pentagon disagreed with that idea, saying such incidents must be weighed against U.S. national security interests. (REALLY!!!) That attitude will never help soldiers come forward to tell their story because it’s at odds with ‘national interests.’

While in military service 1.5% of men reported being raped by Allied Troops while in the showers in forward operating combat zones. The figure in reality is much higher. Custom knife makers have been making neck knives to especially be worn while showering. Both to defend but also to mark the offenders so they can be challenged in a military court or more practical, shot while out on the next patrol.

The instructions are to slash the face and hands, leave a tell-tale mark. Problem is 99% of the men attacked don’t report it, especially if they were raped.

Hey, I’m a man, I’m supposed to be a lean mean green fighting machine. It’s hard for a man to admit something like that happened. Don’t let anyone tell you keep it to yourself, or, time is a great healer.

40% of women in the military report some form of sexual abuse, from groping, hazing, lewd comments, to physical assault.  Another reason not to have women in the military (in combat areas especially) (my opinion only).

13% of all men have reported the same thing.

What happened to the few, the proud, the Marines.

When I was in the military I saw 1 female in uniform, she was a major, a psychiatrist. Never saw women in the ranks. Never had one driving a truck with me or toting a gun out in the jungle. Now granted we still rode horses and shot bolt action guns (kidding) but it was a very long time.

Different jungle for me, Nicaragua, El Salvador, the Banana Republics. For me we were told if you end up in prison down there kill yourself immediately. We all carried several knives, two single shot pistols as well as the usual weapons. We never all slept at the same time, two up 5 down, hypervigilance. Our biggest problem was money. Living in a place where bribes were 3 times larger than your annual salary. There was no loyalty.

So on this Memorial day, I’m encouraging soldiers to step up, speak out, sell your story (repeat until someone listens). Find someone to help you tell it all. Lay aside the self-blame. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed. You’re not less of a man for telling the truth about what happened. Women, the court experience can be worse than the event. You will be pictured as a slut, asking for it. I’m sorry, that’s all I can say, it’s not right. But hang tough. Take another beating, this time in court. But break the S.O.B. that did this to you.  As a soldier I apologize for what happened. A pastor might tell you vengeance is the Lord’s. well as a pastor, the court system is a part of God’s system. We won’t even go into the problems with the court. But it is what it is. By submitting to the law, you are submitting to God.

As our society further decays it is only going to get worse.

Changing the venue, sexual abuse here in the church, first thing, notice how high the numbers are that are being reported. It’s still to big a risk, to much shame in the military for men and woman to come forward. The stakes are higher while being in the military. You can lose your entire military career, or never be promoted, driven out silently.

In church, you just change churches. (I’m not making light of the situation) both are horrible events. But the problems are vastly different in the environment where the abuse happens. Because the systems are different, civilian world is an open system, whereas the military is a closed system.

Let’s turn to the church world

  • Evangelicals are initially more skeptical of media reports, even well-documented ones, than are members of the population at large—even when such reports come accompanied by significant evidence and documentation. It appears that we are more likely to go with the legal system’s “innocent until proven guilty” rule of thumb than the Bible’s “at the mouth of three witnesses let a thing be established” guideline. Nevertheless, when journalists continue to provide evidence, evangelicals are slowly persuaded.

  • That means often we believe the high-profile person who says “I didn’t do it” over the less powerful person saying, “You did this. And I have nothing to gain and everything to lose by bringing it up.”

  • When #MeToo initially went viral many Christians assumed the church was ahead of the culture in terms of morality. But it just took longer for the church stories to break. #ChurchToo followed with many stories about abuses of power beneath the steeple.

  • Some have suggested that a key problem with sexual harassment accusations is that the lines are gray, and people have misunderstood simple flirting—making a big deal out of nothing. But some solid Barna research contradicts such thinking. People, it turns out, are pretty clear about what constitutes crossing the line.

Hey, in my marriage it was simple, don’t look, don’t touch, don’t even think about it.

 Americans say that sexual harassment is most often about being touched or groped (women: 96%, men: 86%) or being forced to do something sexual (women: 91%, men: 83%). The list encompasses more than these extremes, however; it also includes someone touching themselves intentionally or masturbating in front of an unwilling witness (women: 89%, men: 76%); making sexual comments about someone’s looks or body (women: 86%, men: 70%); and sharing intimate photos or videos of someone without permission (women: 85%, men: 71%).

  • Christians who provide well-researched, investigated reports on allegations of sexual harassment and abuse are doing holy work, bringing darkness to light. Often public accountability is the only way to keep powerful people honest. Even church boards, seeking to reduce negative publicity, are often complicit in cover-ups.

  • There are a lot more people who get harassed and abused and finally come forward than there are who get falsely accused. So while we must take both seriously, we must also recognize our tendency to disbelieve the powerless.

  • If someone’s behavior is illegal (e.g., rape, child porn), the church has an obligation to more than deal with it internally; they must report it to the police. So those of us in leadership need to be familiar with our states’ laws. Many mental-health professionals believe that the power differential is so significant in minister with parishioner, physician with patient, and counselor with client relationships that there is no such thing as “consent.” That being the case, words such as “affair” have no room in our vocabulary for describing such situations.

  • When calling for an independent investigation, we need to look for ways that even a so-called independent investigation can leave the researcher beholden to the one(s) paying the bills. Such ties can create a conflict of interest—which can lead to accusations of cover-ups. So we must aim for fuller transparency and accountability.

  • When people confide in us their stories, we must avoid victim-blaming. One way to do so: ask super open-ended questions such as “What seemed the best course of action to you and why?” rather than “Why didn’t you call the police immediately?” Our questions can inflict more pain if we aren’t careful.

  • It is not enough to call for resignation when a leader has harmed a parishioner. And a verbal apology is not enough, either. Healing involves also making reparations such as taking full responsibility via rhetoric and paying for victims’ counseling. (When Zaccheus repented of ripping people off, he did more than apologize. He paid back his victims more than they had lost through his thievery. See Luke 19.)

Paul called on the Ephesians to expose the deeds of darkness Eph. 5:11). If you know of abuse happening—whether it’s like a David with a Bathsheba or a Potiphar’s wife with a Joseph—do something. Tell someone! The church of all places should be the best place in the world for victims and victimizers alike to encounter both mercy and justice.

Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest, if we do not give up. (Galations 6:9)

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

 

Enter into His rest!

May 8, 2018

  “Rejoice in the Lord always!” (Phil. 4:4)

  Exhaustive effort brings home the necessity of strengthening rest. The believer will not be ready to enter into his spiritual rest until he is utterly worn out by his unsuccessful efforts to conquer sin and the old man. There is no rest for the “wretched man” of Romans 7—that struggle must lead to the rest of Romans 8.

  “Grace is sufficient for favorable circumstances, but they are by far the most trying (spiritually) to the believer. There is an easy way of going on in worldliness, and there is nothing more sad than the quiet comfortable Christian going on day by day, apart from dependence upon the Lord.

  “It must be as with Israel and the manna; there must be the daily gathering and daily dependence upon God. If circumstances come between our hearts and God, we are powerless. If the Lord Jesus is nearer, circumstances will not hinder our joy in God “

  “The heart of man naturally seeks rest, and seeks it here. Now, there is no rest to be found here for the believer; but it is written, ‘There remaineth, therefore, a rest to the people of God’ (Heb 4:9).

 To know this is both full of blessing and full of sorrow: sorrow to the flesh; because it is always seeking its rest here, it has always to be disappointed; blessing to the spirit, because the spirit, being born of God, can only rest in God’s rest, as it is said, ‘If they shall enter into My rest’ (Heb. 4:5). What God desires for us is to bring us into the enjoyment of all that which He Himself enjoys.

  “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” (Ps. 37:7).

Waiting that’s the hard part.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

Pray for Ronnie S, hurt his back

Pray for Benjamin C, eye problems, going to need surgery.

Praise from Colin, his eye has completely healed.

Pray for Lisa and Matt, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a marriage with this many problems. Pray especially for Lisa that she would come to her senses, spiritually and emotionally.

 

WARNING ADULT CONTENT=FRANK DISCUSSION ON SEX

MEDICALLY INDUCED SEXUALITY

SHORT VERSION, I’M AGAINST IT.

THE UNINGREDIBLE MR. LIMPET

So, in my many pastoral roles as psychologist, sex therapist, sex addiction counselor, marriage and family counselor, violent sex offender counselor and victim therapist, prison chaplain, plus my varied checkered past. I have heard, seen, and witnessed every good and deviant sex act.

So first an assumption. You are married, your wife has gone through menopause, you’re over 55 years old, and you have been married to each other a long time.

Long is a relative term. You’ve had a good marriage, you are friends, pals, partners and you have figured out the yin and yang of the marriage. You have not defiled your marriage, no affairs, no porn, no sex toys and you are Christians.

If you don’t fall into these categories, go read the comics or file it away for a rainy day.

If you need medicine in order to have sex or have the drive, then I would advise it is time to put the horse in the barn and leave it there.

Concentrate on all the other areas of marriage enrichment. Non sexual intimacy, cuddling, conversation, communication, sharing and enjoying the discovery of your God given mate.

After 44 years of marriage, my wife still surprises me, like a diamond, there always seems to be a new facet to her personality. We are still learning who we are.

I bring this topic up because if you don’t prepare for this stage of marriage. And if your marriage was based on sex. Then good luck on having a pleasant time. And especially you men. You were only a sex god in your own mind. The emotional needs of your wife have grown more not less.

so here’s to reality, and don’t believe all the ‘studies’ of those over 60 that say it’s the best sex of their life. Mr. Limpet it’s not possible. Notice there are no bible verses in this devotion. It’s only an opinion, everybody has one.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

 

a man and a woman

March 4, 2018

Not the Lord, just me. After 40 years of being a marriage counselor, let me offer some extra advice not usually found in a pastoral manual. (and please, this is just me being non-serious, that means I think I am funny).

Women, never date a man who has the following;

  1. More shoes than you

  2. More skin products than you

  3. More clothes than you

  4. Owns a cat

  5. Talks with “air quotes”

  6. Talks in the 3rd person

  7. Smells like mold

  8. Smokes pot

  9. Lives with his mother

  • Drives a jacked-up jeep or pickup truck and lives in the city

  • Can’t get a letter of reference from his pastor

  1. Doesn’t pass a criminal check

  2. Can’t pass a credit check

  3. Doesn’t carry a pocket knife

  4. Wants sex on the first date or expected after an expensive meal.

Men, never date a woman that;

  1. Owns cat, especially more than one

  2. Has paths forged through her house between all the unwashed laundry.

  3. Has rechargeable batteries by the case load in her bedroom.

  4. Doesn’t own a flashlight.

  5. Smells

  6. Can’t cook

  7. Constantly compares you to her father

  8. Offers sex on the first date

  9. Has a restraining order against her last 5 boyfriends

  10. Suffers from migraines more than 3 days and her personality seems to change each time.

  11. Tells you about her little friend visiting, toe fungus or the statement “it’s only a rash.

  12. Has any condoms in her purse or in the glove box of her car or taped to the underside of her coffee table

  13. Doesn’t carry a pocket knife.

  14. The freezer is stocked with tv dinners

  • Talks in the third person about her feminine parts

  1. When she talks about shots, she doesn’t mean Jim Beam

So, a complete list no, but just something to get you thinking.

A marriage is still supposed to be forever, not just for a while.

Mark 10:9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Ephesians 5:25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Seriously, take into consideration what makes a good marriage partner, and most of all pray for God to put the right person in your life.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

 

The next thing that we need to do if we’re going to have a successful argument—we need to deal with one problem at a time and deal with problems as they come up. Now the Bible says, “Don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath.” Many of us used to collect trading stamps. (I’m showing my age here) You used to go to the store and they give you these stamps after you buy something, the more you buy the more stamps you get, you put them in a little book, and then one day you go down and redeem them for anything the store carried. You collected enough stamps you could come out with new lawn mower or a new food processor.

 What you do is you just put them in the book. Now that’s the way a lot of marriages do. Your husband hurts you—you put it in the book. Say something else, late for the dinner—put it in the book. Forgot your anniversary—book it in the book. You don’t deal with those things as they come up and then one of these days, there’s an explosion. She comes in to cash all her stamps. I mean all at one time, or he comes in, and you wonder why, when did all of this happen? How did all of this happen?

You have failed to do what the Bible says to do and that is to deal with these things as they come up, when they’re small, when they can be dealt with. Trading stamp is not so big. It can be dealt with, but not the whole book all at once. “Don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath!” Stick to the subject. Know what it is. Don’t attack one another; attack the problem. Deal with these things as they come up.

(ok this is one giant pun) But you can lick the stamps, not the whole book. Deal with it when it comes up. This is why your church needs to do a seminar on Temperaments. If you understand your spouse’s temperament. The moody person that it’s always their fault, or the person who has no problems, it’s always ‘you’. Or how about the emotional handwringer it takes two days put them back together again or the let’s write this down and draw a chart to solve this.

None of these are wrong, but opposites attract and we need to know the emotional IQ of our spouses and how the God given temperament is a double edged sword it works great when the person is walking with God. But oh boy, when it’s the carnal nature leading the way watch out.

Homework assignment, seriously, read Tim LeHaye’s book on temperament and the book ‘please understand me’ these are great books and will help you as a spouse and as a parent.

Next learn to negotiate. Don’t get in a win-lose situation. Rather than having a war where both husband and wife lose, have a negotiation where both husband and wife win. Let both save face. Give in. Adjust. Compromise. Be gentle. Jesus does that. Jesus said, “I have many things to tell you; you’re not able to bear them.” He knows what we’re able to do. Learn not just to force your point all the way down to the bitter end.

And if you are one of these dim witted cavemen that with a bible in one hand and megaphone in the other yelling “submit” the bible says you have to submit woman. Well let me ask you one question Capt. Grunt, what have you sacrificed for your wife lately?

Golf on Saturday, out with the boys Friday, spending to much on toys, you know the big boy toys.

How about blessing your wife, do you touch her (non sexually) at least 10 times a day. How about kissing (non sexually) 10 times a day, holding the door open for her. Telling her how beautiful she is, saying thank you for dinner. No sniping and rude comments. You’d be surprised how the relationship changes.

Next, know how important this is, pray, pray, pray, pray and pray some more. It’s amazing how prayer will help you through these things. Sometimes Sharon and I will be in a disagreement. We’ll be sitting there at the kitchen table. It will get tense.

And she’ll say to me, “Greg, you’re wrong.” “Not me.” “Yes, you’re wrong.” “No, I’m not wrong.” “She says, you are wrong, but I can’t prove you’re wrong because you can talk better than I can. But I know you’re wrong.” I say, “No I’m not wrong.” “You’re wrong.” It gets tense I say, “Well let’s just stop for a while.” I go in my study and try and prepare a sermon. Ha. Try to read. Try to do something else. I can’t do it. So I say, “Lord, did you see what went on in there?” He says, “Yeah, you were wrong.” “Me?” “Yeah, you. You were wrong.” “Okay, Lord.” I have to go back, “Honey, I was wrong. Forgive me.” She says, “I forgive you.” We hug and kiss. Make up. Prayer will do that, friend. You be honest with God. Honest with God. Just honest and let God speak to you. And friend if you’ll do these things and they’re so simple, but so real, your marriage can be a marriage that can stay together as you have that commitment. That communion. That confrontation. All sheltered over with His great love. Would you pray for your home right now?

Which brings us to the most awkward thing I ask couples to do, kneel down next to the couch at least once a day and hold hands and pray together. Trust me the first few times it is going to feel weird and you might think your prayer didn’t go past the ceiling. But keep at it for at least 3 months and then you’ll see that time will become the most precious time of each day.

PS, no self-righteous, talking down to prayers. Husbands pray first, and the wife. You’ll be amazed what love and forgiveness, harmony and closeness develops.

Ding. This round is over.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

Remember pray requests and comments to email address, ALSO IF WE NEED TO TALK BECAUSE YOU CAN’T FIND A GOOD CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR EMAIL ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND THE BEST TIME TO TALK.