a man and a woman

March 4, 2018

Not the Lord, just me. After 40 years of being a marriage counselor, let me offer some extra advice not usually found in a pastoral manual. (and please, this is just me being non-serious, that means I think I am funny).

Women, never date a man who has the following;

  1. More shoes than you

  2. More skin products than you

  3. More clothes than you

  4. Owns a cat

  5. Talks with “air quotes”

  6. Talks in the 3rd person

  7. Smells like mold

  8. Smokes pot

  9. Lives with his mother

  • Drives a jacked-up jeep or pickup truck and lives in the city

  • Can’t get a letter of reference from his pastor

  1. Doesn’t pass a criminal check

  2. Can’t pass a credit check

  3. Doesn’t carry a pocket knife

  4. Wants sex on the first date or expected after an expensive meal.

Men, never date a woman that;

  1. Owns cat, especially more than one

  2. Has paths forged through her house between all the unwashed laundry.

  3. Has rechargeable batteries by the case load in her bedroom.

  4. Doesn’t own a flashlight.

  5. Smells

  6. Can’t cook

  7. Constantly compares you to her father

  8. Offers sex on the first date

  9. Has a restraining order against her last 5 boyfriends

  10. Suffers from migraines more than 3 days and her personality seems to change each time.

  11. Tells you about her little friend visiting, toe fungus or the statement “it’s only a rash.

  12. Has any condoms in her purse or in the glove box of her car or taped to the underside of her coffee table

  13. Doesn’t carry a pocket knife.

  14. The freezer is stocked with tv dinners

  • Talks in the third person about her feminine parts

  1. When she talks about shots, she doesn’t mean Jim Beam

So, a complete list no, but just something to get you thinking.

A marriage is still supposed to be forever, not just for a while.

Mark 10:9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Ephesians 5:25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Seriously, take into consideration what makes a good marriage partner, and most of all pray for God to put the right person in your life.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

 

The next thing that we need to do if we’re going to have a successful argument—we need to deal with one problem at a time and deal with problems as they come up. Now the Bible says, “Don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath.” Many of us used to collect trading stamps. (I’m showing my age here) You used to go to the store and they give you these stamps after you buy something, the more you buy the more stamps you get, you put them in a little book, and then one day you go down and redeem them for anything the store carried. You collected enough stamps you could come out with new lawn mower or a new food processor.

 What you do is you just put them in the book. Now that’s the way a lot of marriages do. Your husband hurts you—you put it in the book. Say something else, late for the dinner—put it in the book. Forgot your anniversary—book it in the book. You don’t deal with those things as they come up and then one of these days, there’s an explosion. She comes in to cash all her stamps. I mean all at one time, or he comes in, and you wonder why, when did all of this happen? How did all of this happen?

You have failed to do what the Bible says to do and that is to deal with these things as they come up, when they’re small, when they can be dealt with. Trading stamp is not so big. It can be dealt with, but not the whole book all at once. “Don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath!” Stick to the subject. Know what it is. Don’t attack one another; attack the problem. Deal with these things as they come up.

(ok this is one giant pun) But you can lick the stamps, not the whole book. Deal with it when it comes up. This is why your church needs to do a seminar on Temperaments. If you understand your spouse’s temperament. The moody person that it’s always their fault, or the person who has no problems, it’s always ‘you’. Or how about the emotional handwringer it takes two days put them back together again or the let’s write this down and draw a chart to solve this.

None of these are wrong, but opposites attract and we need to know the emotional IQ of our spouses and how the God given temperament is a double edged sword it works great when the person is walking with God. But oh boy, when it’s the carnal nature leading the way watch out.

Homework assignment, seriously, read Tim LeHaye’s book on temperament and the book ‘please understand me’ these are great books and will help you as a spouse and as a parent.

Next learn to negotiate. Don’t get in a win-lose situation. Rather than having a war where both husband and wife lose, have a negotiation where both husband and wife win. Let both save face. Give in. Adjust. Compromise. Be gentle. Jesus does that. Jesus said, “I have many things to tell you; you’re not able to bear them.” He knows what we’re able to do. Learn not just to force your point all the way down to the bitter end.

And if you are one of these dim witted cavemen that with a bible in one hand and megaphone in the other yelling “submit” the bible says you have to submit woman. Well let me ask you one question Capt. Grunt, what have you sacrificed for your wife lately?

Golf on Saturday, out with the boys Friday, spending to much on toys, you know the big boy toys.

How about blessing your wife, do you touch her (non sexually) at least 10 times a day. How about kissing (non sexually) 10 times a day, holding the door open for her. Telling her how beautiful she is, saying thank you for dinner. No sniping and rude comments. You’d be surprised how the relationship changes.

Next, know how important this is, pray, pray, pray, pray and pray some more. It’s amazing how prayer will help you through these things. Sometimes Sharon and I will be in a disagreement. We’ll be sitting there at the kitchen table. It will get tense.

And she’ll say to me, “Greg, you’re wrong.” “Not me.” “Yes, you’re wrong.” “No, I’m not wrong.” “She says, you are wrong, but I can’t prove you’re wrong because you can talk better than I can. But I know you’re wrong.” I say, “No I’m not wrong.” “You’re wrong.” It gets tense I say, “Well let’s just stop for a while.” I go in my study and try and prepare a sermon. Ha. Try to read. Try to do something else. I can’t do it. So I say, “Lord, did you see what went on in there?” He says, “Yeah, you were wrong.” “Me?” “Yeah, you. You were wrong.” “Okay, Lord.” I have to go back, “Honey, I was wrong. Forgive me.” She says, “I forgive you.” We hug and kiss. Make up. Prayer will do that, friend. You be honest with God. Honest with God. Just honest and let God speak to you. And friend if you’ll do these things and they’re so simple, but so real, your marriage can be a marriage that can stay together as you have that commitment. That communion. That confrontation. All sheltered over with His great love. Would you pray for your home right now?

Which brings us to the most awkward thing I ask couples to do, kneel down next to the couch at least once a day and hold hands and pray together. Trust me the first few times it is going to feel weird and you might think your prayer didn’t go past the ceiling. But keep at it for at least 3 months and then you’ll see that time will become the most precious time of each day.

PS, no self-righteous, talking down to prayers. Husbands pray first, and the wife. You’ll be amazed what love and forgiveness, harmony and closeness develops.

Ding. This round is over.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

Remember pray requests and comments to email address, ALSO IF WE NEED TO TALK BECAUSE YOU CAN’T FIND A GOOD CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR EMAIL ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND THE BEST TIME TO TALK.

Start Right

January 29, 2018

Start out right

Did you know that most of the marriage problems that I deal with, at their root, is nothing but selfishness? Now another word for selfishness is immaturity. Big babies. And most of the time, but not always, most of the time these big babies are the men. They think that God gave them a built-in servant when they got married and she’s to wait on him hand-and-foot, for somehow he’s the head of the house and he’s little, Lord, and she’s his servant. And she’s to wait on him all the time.

A recent survey on marriage, taken in America, has some shocking statistics. Did you know that fifty percent of the women who were married said, “If I had it to do over again, I would not marry the same man.” That’s shocking. Fifty percent of the women. One out of every two women said if I could do it again, I would not marry that guy. They surveyed the men. Seventy percent of the men said, “I would marry the same woman again.”

Now guys, what does that say about us? Let me tell you something else. They put a new ingredient in the survey and they asked this question: Does your husband help you at home? To the wives who said, “Yes” to that question, 82% of them said I’d marry the same man again. 82%. Selfishness is one of the major problems. It comes across in so many ways.

I’m constantly amazed at the men who don’t help their wives at home. Most wives today are working mothers, they work 40 hours or more per week, spend 40 hours working at home, kids, meals, laundry. And the husband is out golfing on Saturday, comes home and expects a beer and sex 5 minutes after he gets home. That’s male immaturity, grow up guys.

Did you know that washing dishes with or for your wife won’t shrink your testicles?

But guys sure act like it will.

Come on guys be a partner with your wife in all that you do. My wife shoots as good as I do, she can sharpen a knife as good as I can. We both love to cook, I can sew on my own buttons. We don’t take separate vacations, have separate checking accounts, we take care of each other.

You can build a strong marriage or just let go out the window, your choice. It’s easier to make a good marriage than to fix one, so start at the beginning.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

 

HANG IN THERE

December 28, 2017

Hang in there

“Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations” (1 Peter 1:6).

We have our troubles. My dear friend, this world is not our home. We’re just passing through. We’ve got a home laid up somewhere beyond the blue. And, down here we have troubles and trials. You say, “Well, if I weren’t saved, maybe I wouldn’t have these trials.” Ok, listen up you’d have them anyway. “Man that is born of a woman… is full of trouble” (Job 14:1). But, listen what he says here, “Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:6-7).

Now, what does that mean? It means that living for Jesus is not all honey and no bees. It means that there’s going to be heartaches and tears. But, it means though our trials are many and though they are heavy, they are all under God’s control. And, notice he says, “But for a season.” Now, the idea here in verse 7, is of a goldsmith, who puts gold in a furnace. And, the idea is that he’s purifying the gold. And, they say that the goldsmith can know the gold is pure when he can see his face in it.

And, if you’re going through heaviness and heartache here don’t let that discourage you. The Lord is just simply working on you. For your good and his glory. Job said, in Job 23:10, “… when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold” (Job 23:10). And, the trials are for his purpose and in his time and when he’s finished you’re coming through.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

Pray for Lisa and Ty, been married 13 months and she walks out and says she wants a divorce. Ty is a wonderful guy, great husband. This is where a good guy marries a bad girl and thinks it will all work. She’s already out of town and waiting to party hard this New Year.

Pray for Lyle, great guy, has throat cancer,

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

December 25, 2017

bad santa

WELL THIS WILL BE THE FIRST TIME IN 6 YEARS THAT I’M NOT POSTING MY ANNUAL GRUMPY CHRISTMAS LETTER.

The truth is, this is probably the best Christmas ever for me mentally and health wise. For 7 months I have had the opportunity to do nothing but spend every day in bible study, prayer worship and devotion.

Second for the first time in 5 years I almost have my IBS and Barrett’s disease under control (almost). It has been debilitating and a huge drain on me mentally and spiritually. But the last 4 weeks have been great.

Spiritually it has been amazing in spite of all the other problems. I really praise God for the trial and tribulation and without going into detail the comfort and peace of God have been a blessing.

I’m actually enjoying Christmas, which if you’ve ever read my past “I hate Christmas” rants you’d know it was a miracle.

I have one prayer for all of you, a closer walk to the Lord and growing in knowledge, wisdom, and peace.

To the all the encouragers, God bless you greatly.

MERRY CHRISTMAS from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

MARRIAGE 101

December 11, 2017

Marriage 101

We learn from the Bible that the Lord Jesus honored the marriage ceremony with His presence working there the beginning of His miracles. These miracles indicate that Jesus Christ is the eternal Son of God, the Sovereign and the Creator of the universe, and the wedding ceremony was the first used to demonstrate this glorious fact.

His purpose on earth was to “seek and to save that which was lost,” As the scriptures declare, “God commended His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” The one who sanctifies the marriage union is the Savior of the universe. And the scripture says, “neither is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.” And therefore His invitation to all who witness the wedding ceremony is to “come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.”, “And Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out.”

The Bible, which is the Word of God declares marriage to be honorable. It was ordained of God in the time of man’s innocency, before he had sinned against the Lord. Since marriage has always been a divine institution, it is to be entered into soberly and discreetly, as in His sight.

God Himself united the first members of human family, which fact alone should abolish all light and frivolous views of marriage. The bridegroom and bride are partners in life, each forsaking mother and father to cleave unto the other. They share a common name, a united household, a common experience, and a love which blesses and transcends all the cares and trials of life. The mathematics of love–Add and multiply joys while subtracting and dividing the sorrows.

Hopefully you recognize that as wedding vows, they have changed quite a bit since I got married 40+ years ago. Having done hundreds of weddings in hundreds of different settings one thing bothers me. Taking the ceremony seriously.

Number one, I won’t marry anyone that won’t have pre-marital counseling.

Number two, if they are sexually active before they wedding ceremony that have to stop having sex until after the ceremony (yes I’m serious).

Number three, are they equally yoked (that’s a whole different devotion idea I will have to go into.)

Number four, can I convince them that this is for life, “till death do we part”.

Number five, there ain’t no thing as a two headed rooster, someone has to be the head.  (another separate devotion).

Number six, it’s in the vow, “you cleave” stick to each other. Your parents come in second place to your marriage.

Get married and then move 1500 miles away from your family. If you’re daddy’s little girl, stop. Mister, grow up be a godly man.

Well this could go on forever, literally. Honor your marriage vows. Don’t get married just because the invitations went out. Go into it as a forever thing.

Good marriages don’t just happen, they take hard work and lots of maintenance.

Got questions, prayer requests? Send them to scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

 

HIJACKED

December 4, 2017

HI-JACKED

Susan Smith drowned her two toddlers by strapping them in their car seats and aiming her driver-less car into a lake. Political cartoonist John Deering drew a cartoon showing her car being hauled out of the lake, complete with a South Carolina license plate, a Baby-on-Board sign in the back window, and a Pro-Choice sticker on the rear bumper. There was no caption; there didn’t need to be. His point was clear: If it is wrong for a mother to choose to kill her toddlers, why is it not wrong to kill them a few months before?

A Planned Parenthood newsletter earlier this year ran an article titled, “Help Stop the Violence and Defend the Right to Choose.” The violence referred to was not killing babies, but killing abortion doctors. I’m against killing abortion doctors, but I’m also against Planned Parenthood which kills babies! Pro-choice means the choice to kill children who just aren’t as old as other children. The right to choose to kill your children should not be legal because it is not moral. Let’s drop the rhetoric.

The latest Planned Parenthood brochure says they are a good choice when it’s not convenient for you. Don’t wreck your plans your life call us when it’s inconvenient.

I want to recommend that you listen to Pastor Steven Davies, at Wisdom for the Heart ministries. And today’s sermon. 12/03/2017

He reads a speech by the president of Planned Parenthood, declaring that the services they provide are holy, sacred, and divine. That they are providing a sacred gift.

Ok, right now your blood pressure should have shot up, your fists curled and maybe a little cussing. Really, we can’t talk about our faith at work if you are a Christian, but an abortion clinic is holy, sacred and divine.

Dr. Walter Martin, the excellent author of the book “kingdom of the Cults.” Writes a great thesis in the beginning of his book, “we must agree what words mean.”

It started with Bill Clinton defining what sex meant, and now the language of God, of the Judeo-Christian world is being hijacked by abortionists. Do you want to know why? It because they are defying God, they are reprobates, their minds are darkened and they blaspheme God. It’s not politics it’s about the tower of Babel. What men think in their mind and imagination they will carry out against the wishes of their Creator.

Friends we need to pray for our country like never before and stop these ungodly people and their agenda.

if you have had an abortion, God loves you and forgives you.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

 

THE REAL DEAL

November 11, 2017

Senior Couple At Home

FALSE-POSITIVE

IN 40 YEARS OF PASTORAL COUNSELING LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I KNOW ABOUT TRUE LOVE.

FEELINGS DON’T MATTER, IT’S ALL ABOUT COMMITMENT

YOU CAN’T FALL OUT OF LOVE, BECAUSE IT ISN’T ABOUT FEELINGS OR SEXUAL ATTRACTION.

THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS, BIGGEST LOAD OF CRAP LIE PROBABLY EVER TOLD.

IT MAY HAVE BEEN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, BUT IT WAS ALL UPHILL AND HARD WORK THAT GOT US TO 43 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.

SEXUAL ATTRACTION TO SOMEONE ELSE OTHER THAN YOUR SPOUSE IS YOU BEING STUPID, CARELESS, RECKLESS AND SHAME ON YOU.

THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS SEX TOYS, THE BEDROOM DOES NOT NEED VARIETY, SPICED UP OR EXPLORED.

I’VE NEVER READ A BOOK ABOUT SEX THAT WAS GODLY AND HONORED MARRIAGE.

LET’S GO FOR BROKE, ANAL SEX IS A SIN, A PERVERSION, YOU DISHONOR YOUR PARTNER.

GOOD SEX IS ABOUT TALKING, HONESTY, RESPECT, LOVE AND CARING, NOT BEING SELFISH OR DOMINEERING, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LET’S WORK OUT OUR FANTASY.

THE BIBLE SAYS TO KEEP THE MARRIAGE BED PURE AND UNDEFILED. NO PORN, NO SEX TOYS, NO MARITAL AIDS.

OH, YEAH, IT’S ALSO BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN, NOT TWO BOB’S OR TWO BETTY’S OR GEE, I’M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT I AM.

REAL BIBLICAL, GODLY SEX IS ALMOST LIKE WORSHIP, YOUR SPOUSE MEETS ALL YOUR NEEDS.

WELL THAT’S IT, AFTER A DAY OF LISTENING TO STUPID EXCUSES FOR CHEATING, DIVORCE, AND STUPIDITY, YOU GET TO BEAR THE BRUNT.

GOD BLESS FROM SCUMLIKEUSCHURCH@GMAIL.COM

OH, AND PS, THIS NOT JUST AN OPINION, IT IS GOD’S PLAN FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE.

I want to tell you that 1 Peter verse 2 is one of the greatest verses in the Bible; that shows you just how much God loves you. And, what a wonderful salvation that you have. And, this salvation is the work of the triune (trinity)God. For example, God the Father planned it. The Bible says that you are “elect according to the foreknowledge of God…” (1 Peter 1:2)

Now, when did this take place? When did God choose you? When did God set His love upon you? In the counsel halls of eternity, before you knew anything about it, before He’d swung this world into space, before anything was. Before the foundation of the world, God loved you. Ephesians 1:4 says, “… he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world” (Ephesians 1:4).

 I want to tell you, you are a wanted child. What a great feeling it is for me to know that I was in the heart and the mind of God before the foundation of this world.

Good news, abortion rates are dropping at a whopping percentage, we are at the lowest rate ever since 1970 and Woe vs. Wade.

More good news, Millennials are considered more conservative.

More good news, more people consider a fetus to be a viable human being.

More good news, over half the women having abortions already had an abortion, why is that good news, because the rate of first time abortions is dropping by over 45%. Some women have had up to 15 abortions, the majority of women having abortions are on Medicaid and already had abortions.

Not so good news, in Florida you have to give a reason for the abortion, 93% of women said; “because”. That’s it.

More good news all the statistics that Planned Parenthood give are fake, over inflated and just lies. Just like the lies that 50% of marriages fail. The truth is 25% of failed marriages are already failed. That’s right, the same 25% of marriages are failing over and over again, they are repeat offenders of the sanctity of marriage. Planned Parenthood says 1 in 3 women will have an abortion, the truth is that for 2017 the ratio is really 1 in 9 and the rate of abortions will drop by 2-3% per year if the trend holds.

So dear friend, the sanctity of life as a concept is increasing well.

Not so good, the rate of sexually active people outside of marriage is not dropping. Good news it’s not increasing.

We have to preach and teach not only the sanctity of life but of marriage.

Build a better life, wait for marriage. Build a better marriage by abstaining from premarital sex.

Remember God has chosen you before time, you had a name and a heart beat in the mind of God before the earth was created. There is a sanctity of life.

The reason you are here is because God chose you to have life and to know him. Our chief purpose in life is to worship and glorify Him who planned your existence before time.

Choose life, choose God, choose Jesus.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

 

real world

October 28, 2017

1 Peter 1:1-9

1 Peter 1:1-9King James Version (KJV)

1 Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, to the strangers scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia,

2 Elect according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through sanctification of the Spirit, unto obedience and sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ: Grace unto you, and peace, be multiplied.

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

4 To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,

5 Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:

7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

8 Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:

9 Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.

The way to overcome the world is never to fight worldliness. If you fight worldliness, you are bound to fail. The Bible never tells us to fight worldliness. The Bible says, “This is the victory, even our faith,” not our fight, but our faith. We fight the devil, but we do not fight the world. We flee from fornication, but we cannot flee from the world. The victory that overcomes the world is our faith. Now, people have to understand what they have in the Lord Jesus Christ, and if they don’t understand what they have in the Lord Jesus Christ, they have a hunger that they will try to fill with the world.

the Bible says, “If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him” (1 John 2:15). Now, it doesn’t say that he doesn’t love the Father because he loves the world, but it says if he loves the world, it is because the love of the Father is not in him. The love of the world is only the indication that you don’t know and love God; that your faith has not brought you into a vital relationship with the Lord. The victory that overcomes the world is your faith to understand what you have in the Lord Jesus

it always come down to a choice, choose at that moment of temptation, I can fulfill the lust of the flesh (sex, porn, masturbation, a larger piece of cake, looking to long at the checkout girl etc.) or exercise faith, remember your fight is in your mind, ‘capture all thoughts’ profess your death and resurrection, pray at that moment for the way of escape, like doing the laundry, rinse repeat, don’t sin.

 See the love of the Father. You have to see what you have in the Lord Jesus Christ. And, friend, when you understand what you have in the Lord Jesus Christ, the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. When you’ve been feasting on Jesus, then you don’t have to hunger after the things of this world. And that’s the key, are you feasting on the things of heaven, listening to gospel music, reading wholesome books, one good thing about you tube I can watch all the old sermons of great preachers. (none were ever on Trinity Broadcasting Network). I like a real bible in my hands, but if it’s the electronic version you have and you will use it, then do so. One reason I like a real bible is that way I stay off ipads, and computers and anything else that would help me step off in the wrong direction.

The Bible teaches that the reason that people love the world is the love of the Father is not in them. They have never found satisfaction in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Have you really had a salvation experience? Did everyone assume you are saved because you’re the pastor’s kid, or you grew up in church. Do you know really know that Jesus is your savior? Does your life say you are?

Think about which you love most.

God bless from scumlikeuschurch@gmail.com

Pray for Karen and her husband, they had a huge argument and walk into his study pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head. HE IS STILL A LIVE AND ALREADY BACK HOME.  They’re coming in for counseling. Really, you waited until this to get marriage counseling. Who knows, he said while he was in the hospital; “pastor, I’ve never given my heart to Jesus, is it to late?”

Talk about a second chance.